A New Robin
by hemlock-spider
Summary: The NotSoPerfect collection of my story caused by insanity and what else not.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: I do not own Batman if I did he would live in my closet and I would feed him Oreos and Kool- Aid. But since that I don't he belongs to DC Comics,homie. Peace out. 

Chapter One: Auditions

It was noon at the Wayne Mansion. The house was vacant except for Alfred, who was cooking lunch just before Bruce and thingy arrived. A hot kettle of tea was set on the black granite countertop to cool off along with two bowls of soup. The butler gave a sigh and sat on one of the stools.

"They're running quite awfully late today," said Alfred. As soon as he said that thingy kicked down the door for the kitchen. A look of surprise was on Alfred's face as he saw the teen bust through the door. "Mind your manners. Do you--"

"Aw, man. I need to get rid of this weed smell." thingy said as he sniffed his clothes. He looked up and saw Alfred staring at him with his jaw dropped. "Damn."

Later that day...

" I'm so disappointed in you." Bruce said as placed down his teacup on his desk. "Why didn't you save anything for me?"

"I beg your pardon, Master Bruce?" Alfred said as he stood in the doorway.

"Uhhh.. Nothing. Heh ." Bruce chuckled nervously. "Anyways.. I have to let you go."

"WHAT?" thingy said furious. "I though we were partners!"

"No...Not anymore. I'm holding a casting call for a new Robin. Bye. You can, like, go now. And stuff." Alfred escorted him out of Bruce's office and into his room.

"I'm sorry," Alfred sighed as he packed his belongings in a suitcase. "If there is anything wrong: just call me."

"Whatever," he said and slammed the door behind him.

Meanwhile:

"I'm bored!" squealed Bruce really loud. Alfred organized the papers that were stacked all with portfolios. "And they all… are terrible!"

" I do say, Master Bruce, do give them a chance.. We have one more person left." Alfred said as he picked up the tray of tea and opened the door as he let in the last auditioner inside. It was a frail, pale bookish looking man who wore a suit that was much too long for him and mismatched buttons. The man straightened his tie and gave a crooked smile.

"Hi. I'm Jon—"

"What are you going to sing for me?" Bruce said as he cut him off before he could finish his name.

"Sing? I don't—Well, umh… My milkshake brings all the boys to tha yard and they're like it's betta than yours. You're damn right it's betta than yours I can teach you but I hafta charge.."

"BRILLIANT! I love that song! " Bruce said as he stood and applaud. "You're my new Robin! What you're name, foo?"

"Scarecr—umm…Jonathan Crane, sir…" as he said gave that crooked yet adorable smile.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two! (I hope it's not dissapointing)  
Author's Note: I do not own Batman he belongs to DC Comics. Blah blah blah...Don't hurt me. 

-  
Chapter Two: Take your Flinstones vitamins, dammit!

After the long, painful drive from the farthest end of Gotham (where Jonathan's old house was located) to the Wayne mansion a U-Haul trailer followed by an Escalade drove into the gates.

"Hot damn! What the hell do you have here, son?" Bruce said to Jonathan as he got out of the Escalade. "You better be getting a good excuse now." As they opened the back of the trailer.

"Did you pack my Game Cube, Alfred?" Jonathan asked politely.

"Yes, Master Jonathan." Alfred said as he brought it out and handed it to him.

"Whoa , whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ...No. We only play PS2 and X Box here. Alfred, please eliminate the...Game...Cube...Blegh." Bruce said as he shuddered.

"But I bought it with my own money," Jonathan said in a annoyed voice.

Alfred agreed, "You're being quite harsh, Master Br--"

"Alfred...NOW! Besides, you lived in your mom's basement still. I highly doubt you bought it yourself...Momma's boy."

"I am not a momma's boy!" Jonathan squealed.

"Explain why there are forty-five voice messages on your phone from your mom then!"

Alfred gave a sigh and thus took the Game Cube away from Jonathan. Then he smashed it to itty bitty pieces.

"Now how am I supposed to play the new Resident Evil?" Jonathan cried. "I'm gonna go listen to Goth music now."

"Dear Lord no!" Bruce said. "Destroy any traces of this… Goth ...music as well, Alfred."

"But, Mas--"

"Now!"

"But, Master Bruce that would mean we wouldn't have any soundtrack music left," Alfred quickly replied.

"Oh. Okay. Spare the music." Bruce said.

"I miss my Game Cube..."

"Don't worry. Resident Evil will come out for the PS2 and you'll have it...in crapper graphics."

"Where's my Chihuahua?" Jonathan asked.

"Uh-oh..."

Meanwhile:

Jonathan's Chihuahua says:" Que?"

Back at the mansion:

"Umm... That was just unnecessary." said Jonathan. "And stupid."

"Yup...To the Batmobile!" Bruce screeched!

"No."

"Why?"

"I'll miss my show."

"Alfred will Tevo it for you."

"Fine. But where are we going?"

"Remaking the fourth Batman movie." Bruce said. "Didn't you see it? It was awful!"

Batman and Robin:

Mr. Freeze: OMG! I'm FZN! LOL!

PZN IVY: lol

PZN IVY: a/s/l?

BatMan97:u guyz r so off my buddy list.

PZN IVY has logged off

Mr. Freeze has logged off

Later that day:

Jonathan was all alone in the bathtub with his rubber duck (courtesy of the Penguin). "Ha. Now we can some alone time to talk about our mission. To destroy Gotham by—"

Dr. Crane was quickly cut off by the creepy-ness that Bruce was in the tub with him with a stupid grin on his face.

"Hi Jon!" Bruce exclaimed.

"Get out of the tub you… you freak!" Jonathan said covering himself.

"NO. I own the damn house so I do whatever the hell I want." Bruce said. "Biatch."

Jonathan said nothing but had a creeped out expression on his face.

"Now come," Bruce said as he got out of the bathtub. "We must go to the Bat cave!"

"But I'm naked…"

"I don't care. Let's just go. I must train you….to be potty trained."

"I'm already—"

"I don't want your excuses!" Bruce shouted. "Besides I must also train you to be a ninja. And show you your new uniform as well."

Seven painful hours later:

"Now you know the secrets of flushing. Now, your uniform comes next!"

"Yay!" said Jonathan. "Uh, I mean. Pshhh.. Whatever."

Bruce revealed Jonathan's new outfit: Which was a Sailor Moon costume?

"Oops. My bad." Bruce said nervously. Dr. Crane gave a sigh of relief. Bruce brought out a new outfit, which was the old Robin's outfit. Jonathan smirked and lifted the suit.

"Wow.. It's quite heavy." Jonathan chuckled.

"That's cause I filled it with bean burritos." Bruce said as he pulled one out from the suit then quickly engulfed it. "Now: your gadgets!" Wayne pulled out a metal case and unlocked it showing him a grappling device, a communicator and a leopard print thong.

"Why is there a thong in there?" Jonathan said quite disgusted.

"It makes you invisible." Bruce said as he locked the case and placed it in its rightful place.

"Just how much longer can I take this," Jonathan thought to himself as Bruce escorted him back to the Wayne mansion.

-----

What is Dr. Crane planning to do to Gotham City and how long will it take for Batman to drive him insane? Will Jonathan ever see his Chihuahua again? Find out in the next chapter of…. dang. What was this story called again? Well it doesn't matter. Just read on!


	3. Chapter 3

Finally updating! Sorry for the long wait ;

Author's note: I apologize for taking so long to update. I actually had company over at my house so it was really difficult to update the story with a lot of people around. And also I say sorry for being disappointing as well (if it is) --; Also Batman and characters that belong to the series belong to DC Comics (they're like the pimp and Batman is the ho.)So Batman doesn't belong to me. The end.  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -  
Chapter Three: ((Insert witty title here))

While Alfred drove Bruce to work, he requested to play his brand new Gwen Stefani CD. They came to a halt at a red light, and then Bruce made the stereo louder.

"If I was a rich girl, nananananananannnanananannannaaaaa...See I'd love all the money in the world if I was a wealthy girl!" Bruce sung even though he was clearly a guy. The people in the car next to him stared at him in horror and drove quickly away.

Meanwhile:

Our little Jonathan was already at work in Arkham Asylum. He prowled throughout the unsanitary halls checking on his patients, files, and what else not there was for him to do. But then his lips began to hurt really badly. So, he went back to his extraordinarily clean office and dialed Bruce's cell on his office phone. After a very long wait Bruce picked up.

"Hello, who is this?" Bruce said in a not so very interested voice.

"It's Jonathan. Bruce, is Alfred there?" Jonathan asked impatiently.

"No. He's at home. Why?" Bruce replied quite rudely.

"Well, can you call him and tell him to bring me my chap stick, please?" Jonathan asked politely.

"No," Bruce replied.

"But my lips hurt real bad! Gosh!"

I apologize for that unnecessary and not to mention horrible parody of Napoleon Dynamite. You will be direct to the actual story in:

Three…

Two….

One….

Five Days Later….

"To the Bat Cave, Robin!" Batman said as he scratched his butt. Jonathan looked at him with a dull, blank expression.

"You said that forty-five minutes ago… and it was just your pop corn got burnt. Then you started to cry about it," Jonathan said as turned on the TV. "Besides the Bat Signal or whatever it's called hasn't been turned on all day."

"Pshaw…How do you know? You never saw the signal before!"

"Because I am Scare—err—never mind. I saw it once, okay?" Jonathan said as he flipped through the channels.

"Do yous wantin' me to be getting' all gangsta all up in hurr?" Batman said intimidating Jonathan.

Jonathan sighed just like the many numerous times he did and suited up. He cringed at the moldy stench of the burritos.

"Is there any way you can clean this?" Robin said since he is now Robin cause he is all, like, in the suit and stuff.

"Umm…nope." Batman said. "Alfred is the Bat mobile fixed yet?"

"Sorry Master Bruce," Alfred said. " The Bat mobile still hasn't recovered from you using slurpies from 7-11 as coolant."

"Screw this, I need to get my Chihuahua!" Robin dashed out and changed to a yellow track suit then ran to the garage, but ran back inside to use the bathroom, then ran back to the garage and got on a motorcycle to go find his Chihuahua.

"Where's Bill!" Jonathan yelled at the clerk behind the counter at Blockbuster.

"It's in the action isle," the clerk said.

"Thanks," Jonathan said. "Umm have you seen a brown Chihuahua?"

"No, sorry." The clerk said as he went back to work.

"I know where that dog of your is…" the Joker said.

"WTF!" Said Jonathan. "Where'd you come from?"

"I don't know but that doesn't really matter. I am your fairy God Father and if you want your little dog back I suggest you do what I ask you to do."

"Uh, can I pay for my movies now cause I waited for a helluva long time waiting for someone to return them." Jonathan said as he pointed to the DVDs.

"The crime council has grown impatient with your plans…. Scarecrow." Joker hissed.

"It's not my fault Batman is holding me like a hostage." Jonathan whispered as he took his change from the clerk.

"I suggest you get ass back to work or else the dog will get it…" Joker said coldly.

"Not Senor Bellini!" Jonathan shrieked. "Please don't harm him!"

"Yes…Senor Bellini is going to suffer quite a bit if you don't finish the job," he said in a cruel tone.

"I'll do my best," Jonathan said. "To put Gotham back into it's misery…. Damn, who the hell writes this stuff?"

"I do," said the author.

"Ah… so that explains the thong."

TO BE CONTINUED

(Whoo boy I'm gonna get my butt kicked now!) 


	4. Chapter 4

Author's note:This is part one of a two part chapter. Stupid idea but oh well. Anyways:Batman and all related characters belong to DC Comics. Harmful if swallowed.

Chapter Four Part One: The part of the story that lacks explosions and cool computer effects!(And maybe even plot development! YAY!)

While in the dining hall, Bruce and Jonathan ate across from each other in complete silence. Bruce then slammed his fork on the table, which caught Jonathan's attention.

"I am so disappointed in you," Bruce said firmly.

"Erm...what did I do?" Jonathan said as poked his mashed potatoes with his spoon.

"You know what you did..."

"No I don't." Jonathan said quickly. "Was it because I took off that one night?"

"Oh hells no! I was talking about your grades!" Bruce said. "How do you expect to go to a nice school with THESE!" He held up a poorly drawn picture of Catwoman.

"First off I graduated quite a while ago and another thing is that you drew that this morning."

"I did...?"

"Mm-hmm..."

Bruce broke down sobbing which made Jonathan feel a bit uneasy. He got up from his seat to comfort Bruce. "W-why do keep making me feel like a moron?"

"Because you are a moron," Jonathan said soothingly. Bruce began to wail even more. " There, there. Want to go talk about it in the living room? (because you are getting your boogers all over my coat).." Bruce nodded and followed Jonathan to the living room.

Jonathan pulled up a couch next to the fireplace and made Bruce lie down.

While taking off his glasses, he relaxed on a comfortable chair and positioned himself in a professional manner. "Now..." Jonathan said in a cool tone. "Is there anything bothering you that is making you acting this way, Mr. Wayne?"

"Not that I know of," Bruce said as he stared at the ceiling. "Why you be calling me Mr. Wayne now?"

"I call you by that since you have to address me as Dr. Crane now.." Jonathan said irritated. "Tell me all about yourself, Mr. Wayne...Your hopes, your dreams, your...fears, perhaps?"

"Ooh! I always dreamed of dancing at techno clubs in Japan 24/7."

"Okaaay," Jonathan said as he pulled out a pen and pad of paper from the inside of his coat. "We're making progress."

"And I've always been scared of.. heh, you'd laugh at me Robin.."

"IT'S DOCTOR CRANE!"

"Okay. Sheesh. Well, as I was about to say... I've always, always, always been scared of bats. Yep. Bats. And stuff that floats in the toilet that wasn't there when last time I used it."

"So that explains the toilet training," Jonathan mumbled to himself.

"What's that you said, boy?" Bruce asked.

"Nothing, nothing..."

"Well, anywhoo... I also miss my mommy and daddy because they saved me from some bats that tried to steal my Froot Loops. But blah blah blah blah blah chimmichanga blah blah blah..."

'Excellent.' Jonathan thought. 'I think I have enough things to use weaken him. Soon Senior Bellini and I will be reunited once and for all!.. Again? What is with all the incredibly cheesy lines!'

"Okay, okay. Next part no incredibly cheesy line. Sheeshy." says the author.


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note:I do not own Batman and all other cutie-wootie related characters belong to DC Comics. And sorry for this dissapointment called the other half of the chapter! Let's begin, shall we?

Chapter Four Part Two: In surround sound!

It was not very long for Jonathan to come up with a plan to start devastation on the streets of Gotham. He sat back in his office chair rocking himself back and forth thinking of putting all of Batman's phobias together.

"Bats and remains in the toilet..." Jonathan said to himself. "Could I put bats in the toilet? No, no, no..."

He checked the clock that was hung across the wall. It was about time for him to leave so he picked up his belongings and locked the door. An old janitor pushed a wet, filthy cart that carried some tools, a mop, and a broom. Jonathan raised an eyebrow.

"What happened?" he asked the elderly man.

"Hmm? ...Oh! These? Let's see here...well some inmate started messing with the plumbing and so the cells have flooded with sewage water." the old man replied.

"..Could I borrow a wrench?" Jonathan asked.

"Sure why not?" he said finding one and drying it with a dirty towel. "What's it for?"

"Oh, you know... I, uh, think there is some leaking beneath my sink…in my...office?" he said grossed out by the rusty old wrench. The man handed it to him as he tipped his hat and walked away. "Thanks...I guess." Jonathan said smirking as he walked away.

Later that evening:

"Poo flakes!" Bruce shrieked. Alfred rushed into the bathroom with a toilet brush at hand.

"Yes Master Bruce?" Alfred asked. Bruce backed into a corner of the bathroom and went into fetal position rocking himself back and forth. Alfred tried to flush the toilet but the toilet began to overflow. "I'll call a plumber right away." Alfred left the room, which made Bruce even more terrified. He shut his eyes until he heard a voice.

"Peek-a-boo," Scarecrow said in a cruel tone.

"Scarecrow..." Bruce gasped. "You're late for rehearsal! I'm gonna drop you out of The Wizard Of Oz if you are late one more time!"

"What?...No! Wrong Scarecrow! I am the master of fear, the terror that lurk--"

"You're wearing a potato sack!" Bruce squealed with joy.

"...Yes I know. But that is not the point!" Scarecrow growled. "You have to get out of Gotham right now or else all your fears will come true! Bats swarming your bedroom, toilets overflowing with poo flakes, monkeys jumping out of pianos..."

"I like monkeys."

"Never mind the last part but it will get a whole lot worse!" said Scarecrow.

"Me starring in a Richard Simmons' workout video?"

"You're scared of that too?" Scarecrow said confused. Bruce nodded. "Oh..umm..well...THAT TOO!"

"Noooo!"

"Yessss!"

"Okay fine." Bruce said sadly. "But where do I go?"

"Go party in techno clubs in Japan with Ra's Al Ghul. And never come back. "Scarecrow said in a bored voice.

"Do I have to go with him?" Bruce whined. Scarecrow dug in his pocket and handed him a plane ticket. "I better get peanuts. You hear that?"

"Yeah, yeah...Hey look over there!" Scarecrow said pointing outside the window and quickly dashed down the hall.

"Where!" Bruce said as he turned around the Scarecrow was nowhere to be seen. Jonathan peeked through the doorway.

"Bruce," he said innocently while he stood in the doorway. "What was all that loud noise?"

"Jon...I have to retire. I must pursue my dream of partying in techno clubs 24/7!" Bruce cried.

"Aww...I'm sorry." Jonathan said with empathy.

"And I will leave the house to you...Until one day. We will be together." Bruce said with a tear trailing down his face in the most pathetic way ever. And with that Bruce went into his room and packed his belongings into a suitcase. "Peace out, biznatch. Come, Alfred. We must go."

Jonathan watched them back out and drive out of the tall decorative black gates and gave a sigh of relief.

"Now since that is over with..." Jonathan said while closing the blinds to his bedroom window. "Let's get back to work."


	6. Chapter 6

Author note: I do not own the Batman and his tap dancing to Mr. Roger's theme song companions (AKA the other characters that are related). They belong to DC Comics. Nor do I own Final Fantasy X/X-2's Yuna. She belongs to Square Enix.

Chapter Five: Donde es Bellini!

After the painfully uncomfortable plane ride with Ra's, Bruce (along with Alfred) was driven to their hotel, which had the smell of Pop Tarts and stale cheese wavering in the air.

"Why did Scarecrow had to be so mean?" Bruce sulked. "Now I have to find a job..."

"AHEM." Alfred cleared his throat.

"Oh yeah, that's right. I'm a techno -party...person." Bruce sat in silence for a moment until techno music filled the room, shaking the glass on the windows violently. A flood of Japanese high school girls (and boys too) began to dance with their glow sticks and all and blah blah...Forget about Bruce for a second. Let's go check out what Jonathan is doing! Yay!

"You what!" Jonathan yelled at the Joker.

"Well, we didn't necessarily think you were able to get rid of the Batman in such a small amount of time and plus our rent was due..." Joker laughed nervously while scratching the back of his head. "So...we sold Senor Bellini on ebay."

Mr. Freeze: LAMAO! w3 pwned him, n00b!

"What the hell did you just say?" Jonathan said furiously. Mr. Freeze shrugged. " I shouldn't have trusted you in the first place, Joker." He broke through the circle of villains trying to head for the door that surrounded him until Joker blocked the doorway.

"Oh-ho-ho...We're not done with you yet," he snarled. "The show must go on."

"And why should I listen to you?" Jonathan asked irritated.

"Because if you do not follow our orders, we'll turn this story into a Yaoi fan fiction written by a fifteen year old girl in the basement of her house...well, the whole fifteen year old girl thing is pretty much true except for the Yaoi thing...yep. RAWR!"

"Oh no!"

"Oh YEAH!" said the Kool-Aid man who is actually part of the villains surprisingly.

Meanwhile...let's check on that person who won Senor Bellini:

As Catwoman opened the package that was set on her doorstep she smiled an evil smile.

"Purrrrrfect. My newest cat has a arrived..." To her disappointment it was a brown Chihuahua wearing a sombrero. She looked around and shrugged.

"It will do."

Back in JAPAN! WHOO! …:

Exhausted from dancing a full 12 hours straight, Bruce collapsed on the floor. Alfred bent down to pick him up and moved him through the sea of dancing school children. Out of breath (and kick ass moves) Wayne gasped:

"My dream…has been crushed. I am not meant for these…dancing…"

Some boy wearing a fishnet shirt passed by and winked at him.

"…Queens, Master Bruce?" Alfred said raising an eyebrow.

"Noo…I was about to say that these dancing people could dance better than me. I have been served... And why dat boy all be winkin' at me?" Bruce said puzzled.

"Never mind. What do you suggest on doing then, Master Bruce?"

"I..uhh…Ummm..Errrrr…. Go back to Gotham?"

"Excellent choice, Sir." Alfred pulled from his coat a remote control and pushed a button and the floor opened up to reveal the Bat -Jet-Thing.

"How come I didn't even know about this? You mean I purchased tickets on for absolutely nothing!" Bruce said in a really pissed off voice. He shook his fist in the air. "Curse you Roaming Gnome!"

Alfred remained silent.

"'Kay. Can we, like, hurry now? I'm gonna miss The O.C."

"I tevo-ed it, Master Bruce." Alfred said.

"But I didn't asked you to…"

Alfred whispered in Bruce's ear: "Jonathan watches it…don't say anything to him."

"Ohhh…Heheheeheheheheheh…" Bruce giggled violently like a moron.

"Get in the damn jet, Master Bruce." Alfred shoved him in the back seat. He climbed in the pilot's seat and the then all that poop happened magically and now they're in Gotham!

"Your suit is still at the dry cleaners." Alfred said as they advanced toward the Wayne mansion.

"I'm not using the Bat suit…" Bruce said. Alfred gave him a strange look.

"And why not, Master Bruce?"

"' Cause I just finished my Gunner Yuna costume and I want to wear it!"

"Fine. Just make sure you are not recognizable. So at least wear a spare bat mask."

"But it's gonna make my costume not match!" Bruce whined.

"Do it, biatch."

"GASP You said the b-word. I'm tellin'..."

"HURRY UP!" Alfred snapped and Bruce quickly changed.

A half-hour later…IN THE BATCAVE!

"The Bat locator thing has picked up a trace of a massive gathering of villains. Including the Kool-Aide man." Alfred said as he looked at the screen flashing several red dots.

"How come you don't tell me about all these kick ass gadgets?" Bat-Man-Yuna (Bruce) asked as he got in the Bat Mobile.

"I'll tell you later, but for now…Good luck." Alfred waved good-bye as the Bat Mobile droved out of the cave, out of the waterfall, out of 7-11, and busted in through the walls of the secret hide out place.

Jonathan had a shocked look on his face as he saw the Bat Mobile. "He's here…"

"Who?" said the Joker. And out immerged from the vehicle was Bruce dressed up in a full Gunner Yuna outfit but was wearing the mask. The whole room began to laugh and point at Bruce who looked like he was about to cry.

"…The Bat…Yuna…Man…?" Jonathan said confused. Bruce glanced around the room until he caught a hold of Jonathan. His eyes widen with shock.

"Jonathan..?"

"It's not what you think…Man-Yuna…?" Jonathan said nervously.

DUN DUN DUNNNNN… To be continued. 


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter of the Last! NOOOOO! (Unless if I come up with some nifty sequel. Heheheh.)

Author-ito's note: I do no owns Batman and all of his ominous friends. What does ominous mean? I don't know. I though it would sound kick ass if I used it but I make myself look like a moron as usual. Sigh But they do belong to DC Comics! HUZZAH! (I don't know what "huzzah" means either. Buy me a dictionary, please.) ..And I also do not own Dora the Explorer's character Swiper the Fox. He belongs to Nick JR. (or whatever) and Whitney Houston's song belongs to Whitney Houston (or maybe Bobby Brown) You never know!

ALSO (yay) special thankies to all the readers! w00t! Without you… Well...you know...okay, maybe you don't know but I wouldn't prolly finish this...thing. Yep.

Now on to the story cause I bet no one ever reads that crap up there.

"Jonathan?"

"It's not what you think… Man-Yuna…?" Jonathan said nervously.

"…Did they kidnap you?" Batman said angrily. "Grr…"

"Are you kid- I mean... Yes! Yes they did!" Jonathan broke down crying. He then added some eye drops to make it more convincing. "Boo hoo…"

"Aww, poor Jonny… I SHALL AVENGE THEE!"

"Oh ho ho! No you don't!" Joker said while drawing out a remote control. Then he pushed a button opening up the floor and triggering the very expensive smoke machines that they had to rent: a powerful villain known to Gotham emerged from the ground… Swiper!

"Oh no! It's Swiper! We have to say: 'Swiper no swiping!'" Batman said.

"Are you kidding that will not work! We installed a new program to his brain that will resist all…umm….you know what I'm talking about! Swiper! Attack!"

"Jonathan…you want to know why I hired you?"

"Oh I'm just dying to know why you hired me in a crisis like this." Jonathan said sarcastically.

"Because… because you have a beautiful singing voice!"

"Really…?" Jonathan wiped away a tear from his eye.

"Now hurry! And put on the invisible thong!" Batman threw the invisible thong to Jonathan.

Jonathan caught the thong and shuddered. "Do I have to wear it and why were you carrying it with you?"

"Because Swiper will not see where you are coming from and to hide you from R. Kelly."

"Why R. Kelly?"

"Just go! Hurry!" Batman shoved Jonathan into the Janitor's closet. Then R. Kelly showed up singing:

"Man, why is Jonathan in the closet? Is he hiding from Swiper? Why are you dressed up as Yuna? Why don't you say Swi—"

"R. Kelly! He isn't in the closet! Look!" Batman opened the door. All of a sudden a Whiney Houston song was being sung from out of nowhere.

"And IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII will always love yoooooooooooooouuuuuuuuu!"

"It's so beautiful!" Joker cried and Swiper exploded into a flash of light. "Aw, man!"

"Jonathan! You did it! You save the day!" Batman cheered. The villains exited slowly mumbling as their plan was foiled by one of their own.

"I did?" Jonathan said surprised. " And how am I not invisible anymore?"

"Pshaw. Who told you that thong made you invisible? (But it does look good on you…)" Bruce said removing his mask.

"You did and this is really awkward seeing that we are BOTH wearing female clothing and are alone in a warehouse." Jonathan said.

"I don't." said Bruce.

"… I'm leaving now."

The next morning:

Bruce went down stairs to check if his Pop Tarts were ready when he found a note saying:

" I am disgusted with this story. I have taken Alfred and the Doctor with me to make a better sequel.

--Director of the 3rd and 4th Batman movies

PS I have stolen your Pop Tarts as well."

"NOOO! This means that there might be a horrible sequel!" 


End file.
